PRAY

I have both the blessing and the burden of being a teacher at a public school. Last week the principal of one of my schools heard that I go to the Vineyard and asked me to ask my church to pray for the students at McKinley School. “This is your ministry now.” She said. Another Christian teacher at the same school says she feels I am meant to be there. I have 36 Kindergarteners between my two classes, children that have been entrusted to my care. Regardless of opinions on the public education system and the district (believe me I have them too!), we cannot deny that there are solid Christian people within this public institutions striving to make a difference in the world, to touch the hearts and souls of their students. But there is only so much a person can do. So it is imperative that we PRAY.

Pray for the children who live in poverty, who don’t receive proper sleep or nutrition, and don’t have access to the basic necessities (2 of my students are homeless). Pray just as much for the children who are indulged and given everything they ask for and not had limits set on them. Pray for the parents who do not have time to spend with heir own children. Pray for the single and young mothers. Pray for the broken marriages and blended families. Pray for extended family members within the home and providing childcare. Pray for the students who struggle in school and have difficulty learning. Pray for the students who are immigrants or for other reasons are not fluent in English. Pray for the parents who are not educated on what is best for their children. Pray for the students whose families attend local churches and AWANA programs to be a light to those around them. Pray for the moms who get together and find connection with one another. Pray for the fathers to be role models to their children. Pray for the students who deal with emotional and physical abuse or who witness domestic violence within their homes. Pray for the lack of funding for quality education programs. Pray for administrators working to balance financial pressures as well as the pressure for student success. Pray for the teaches who can only do so much and too often are not given enough to cope with the great demands of providing a good education, plus mediate conflicts, teach positive character traits, foster a love for learning, expose children to the greater world around them, manage behavior issues, maintain positive relationships with families, collaborate with coworkers and staff, and yet lead personal lives outside of school!

Everything Must Change

So for the past 9 years, I have occupied the entire 3rd floor attic of my parents' house. I painted clouds on the walls and it has been my space to hang out in. Lots of memories, good and bad. I knew eventually this chapter would close and have wanted to move out and move on. Things never happen the way I picture them to.

Meanwhile, my sister moved out of the same house, got married, and had a family. She has been living with a church family and it has been such a blessing to us all. Unfortunately, they are not able to continue living there, and had not found another place to go, so my parents welcomed them to move back in even though space here would be tight.

While I was in Kenya, she told me about another church family who have a room they want to rent out and the whole situation sounded ideal as a next step for me but I was so determined I wouldn't be around. Then I got this job and so it seems meant to be to move in with them!!! Also, that way my sister and family will have more room!

We have known them for almost 9 years and they are a sweet couple with 2 young kids. The room is a small room they have been using as an office. They have invited me to eat meals with them and have friends over in the awesome basement hangout area. :)

I am blessed by all these changes, but change is so hard. It is hard to picture living with them and leaving all I have known here. It is great that I will still be close by though.

Even harder to picture is that all of this is happening within the next week!!! My sister is moving on the 10th, and it looks like I will be as well though I have so much stuff everywhere and the idea of packing is completely overwhelming!!! (on top of what is already going on with teaching)

Ahh, life is crazy even when it is good crazy! 

Greater things have yet to be done in this cirty!!!

God loves to keep on surprising me and give me things I think I don't want or can't handle just to prove that I can do all things through HIM!

So I was pretty much ready to run away from everything here- memories and people (good and bad) and start over, as terrifying as that was. I was looking for jobs all over, confident that although I was having no luck there was something out there God had for me. But, with nothing else to do I began to become lazy and depressed.

The school district I worked for last year called me up last Wednesday and offered me a job on the spot- take it or leave it. Despite my feelings about returning there, I had no other prions so I took it! And while I don't think there is 1 exact right thing for me to do, I think this could be really good!

The position is teaching morning Kindergarten at one school and afternoon Kindergarten at another school. This is going to be really crazy and busy but there are several things that make it unique and "doable"
-I have an hour and a half between my 2 sessions and they are 15 minutes driving time apart
-both classrooms are "mine"- I don't share with another class/teacher
- I am getting lots of support already from the people at both schools!!!
- I have relatively small class sizes (20 and 14 now)

As much as I wanted to get out of Elgin, I began to think about my time here. We have lived here 9 years now (crazy how time flies) and I feel I have not utilized this time as well as I could. Our church does a homeless ministry 5 days a week and I have helped with that exactly once. I have never set foot into our local house of prayer. There is a neighbor near me who is elderly and lives alone. All of these needs are right outside my doorstep, and yet I always look to the "next thing". I go all the way to Kenya to serve God but can't serve those in my community. I keep thinking when I am married or have kids or a job then I will be fulfilling my calling in life. But I overlook the things I could be doing in the here and NOW!

Not that I will have any extra time now, but still I think God has a lot to teach me over this next year.

Just Do Something

I just finished reading a book called Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will or How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky, etc.Great Stuff! :)

It got me to thinking, that I have been trying to surrender to God's will for my life but have been constantly asking Him what (specifically) that is. And I have this fear that I will miss out or not fulfill my purpose. That fear comes from not trusting God to take care of me. I have been feeling overwhelmed becauase I have a lot of options right now and I want to pick the "right" one. But I have been sensing that is doesn't really matter where I go or what I do, it matters that I ge t my heart right with God and learn to serve Him wherever I am in life.

Well it would be nice if life worked like this, hahaha, The Bible is really the source of truth and wisdom. And guess what? It turns out God has already laid out His purpose for my life. Only it turns out God is concerned more with who I am than where I am!

Micah 6:8 (New Living Translation)

 No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
      and this is what he requires of you:
   to do what is right, to love mercy,
      and to walk humbly with your God.

The Message puts this verse like this:

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
   what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
   be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously—
   take God seriously. 

1 Thessalonians 4:3 (New King James Version)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification

(Sanctification: the state of growing in divine grace as a result of Christian commitment 

Sanctify: to set apart to a sacred purpose or to religious use, to free from sin : purify)

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (English Standard Version)

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 (New International Version)

       Fear God and keep his commandments,
       for this is the whole duty of man.

(Everything else is meaningless, vanity, futile, empty)

1 Kings 2:3 (New International Version)

observe what the LORD your God requires: Walk in his ways, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and requirements, as written in the Law of Moses, so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go

Here is what Paul said his purpose was:

Colossians 2:2-3 (New International Version)

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

 And most importantly...

Matthew 6:33 (King James Version)

seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Matthew 22:37-39 (The Message)

 Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.'

My favorite..

Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Place Your Life Before God

 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Here's how George Müller set out to ascertain the will of God on a daily basis:

"I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are over come when our hearts are ready to do the Lord's will, whatever it may be. When one is truly in this state, it is usually but a little way to the knowledge of what His will is."

1 year later...

Exactly one year ago today I began my career as a teacher full of hopes and dreams. I ended the day with a mild concussion from one of my students in tears. "It can only get better from here" I thought. Wrong.

It's been a crazy year for me in all respects. But I know it is growing and shaping me. I want to surrender this next year to God because I know He has something awesome for me.

I went to a concert tonight of one of my favorite bands, Five For Fighting. Here are some of his lyrics:

"I gotta get away from here..."

 "I don't know where I'm going yet
but  I sure am getting there"

"Every day's a new day"

"What Kind of world do you want
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece

History Starts Now

Be careful what you wish for
Start Now"

Fall down seven times, get up eight

When I graduated from college, I had a pretty strong hope and passion and plan for what was next in my life. I was walking fairly closely with God at the time too. Only problem was, my dreams were based on MY plans and what made sense in the scheme of the world. I had an education, and credentials, and some connections to get ahead in the working world. I had a plan of how my life would go.

Anyone who knows me knows all that took a bit of a beating over the last year. It didn't take much time teaching for me to feel burned out, unappreciated, and disillusioned. I watched as slowly all my plans fell apart in a matter of months and let it take me down with it. By May, I started walking away from God and straight into the arms of sin. I took all of my confusion and emptiness as an excuse to rebel and ended up regretting it.

Just before I left for Kenya, I had become pretty bitter about my whole situation. I knew that Kenya would be good but I also knew I was leaving with no idea what I would do when I came home.

From day 2 of being in Kenya, I put the entire trip into God's hands. I had started to develop some expectations of what my experience this time would be like, and I let those go. And I watched God do some amazing things. There were times of frustration and heartbreak, but overall Kenya was a huge lesson to me in trusting God and letting go.

The whole time I was in Kenya various people would ask what I do and I would explain how I don't have a job and need to go home and "figure out what I am doing with my life." I realized quickly that this was the wrong approach altogether and that I just want what God wants.

In Kenya, I saw so much joy in the midst of poverty and suffering. Yes, some circumstances in my life were hard. But I have 2 parents and a home and clothes and food and an education and good health... to an Kenyan this is unbelievable wealth. So I was determined not to lose my joy and fall into our selfish culture and complain.

I came home on a mountain and stayed that way for a few weeks. Yet my quiet times with God began to be neglected and worldly things distracted me. Plus I still had no answers on where my life was headed. I heard about the Vineyard Cause Conference and thought this would be the perfect change to refresh and refocus and seek some direction in my life.

Due to some poor decisions on my part, I did not get all I could out of the conference and the consequences of my choices hit me when I got back. I lost a relationship that had just been beginning and took it pretty hard. I retreated to days of solitude and slothfulness and melancholy. I stopped talking to God.

In the midst of all this, I knew God was removing idols in my life not to hurt me but to teach me to only rely on Him for love, security, purpose, direction, comfort, love, beauty, fulfillment, etc. I knew I needed to be seeking Him, praying and reading His word to find my calling instead of trying to find it on my own. But I didn't.

Tonight I went to an amazing church service that whipped me out of my self-pitying state and right back into the reality of who I am in Christ.

In the world's eyes, I may be considered wise due to my academic achievements. But in reality, I know nothing, I don't even really know what I want. In the world's eyes, I may know many people, I feel I have no good job "references" but I know Jesus Christ.

And that is all that matters.

I don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I don't want to live for myself. I don't want to live a typical life. I don't want to be friends with the world. I don't want what is normal or easy. I don't want to rely on myself

I want to live for what God has called me to. I want to die to myself and say yes to God. I want the Kingdom. I want God's dreams. I want to be a servant. I want to honor others above myself. I want God to open the doors. I want to rely on God to fill the void in my heart. I want to give up control.

It will cost me everything. It will be messy. But I couldn't live for anything else, because in the end all else is meaningless.

I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on you

I am currently "job seeking" right now which is frustrating because I realize more every day that I really don't know what I want.

I know I need to pray and seek God on this, but I thought some help/advice from friends would be good too.

So here we go!

Who (I am): I have always loved working with kids. I love reading, singing, dancing, doing art, etc!! I have a bachelor's degree in early childhood, an IL teaching certificate, a car, some money saved, a huge collection of children's books, and some misc. teaching supplies.

What (I am looking for): direct contact playing with and loving on children without having to tel them every 2 seconds not to kill each other and/or me! I have a soft spot for the homeless and orphans. It would be good to be able to make enough to live off of but $ is not important.

When: ASAP! I'm ready to dig in!

Where: Anywhere! I am thinking I want to get away from Elgin an go somewhere new. The East Coast, Seattle, Kenya, who knows?

Why: I want to serve God and make a difference in people's lives!!!!

Let me know what you think! Thanks!!!