Easter and Traditions

I have felt disconnected from Christmas and Easter the past few years. I think it has something to do with not having the excitement of being a kid anymmore.

Every year for Easter we eat leg of lamb. Barbarian yet delicious. My grandmother used to make it and every since she passed, my Dad has made it. This year, I heard we might not be having it, and it crushed me a little. Also I had not colored eggs yet, which is another thing I do every year.

Maybe it is boring, but I am a creature of habit and I like routine and tradition. It is hard to accept change. Tonight, I colored Easter eggs with the kids and it was fun but different as an adult. I want the kids to have the same fond memories of holidays as I do.

For the past 7 years, I have been around them for Easter. I cherish being a part of all the big and small adventures in the life of my family. There are moments when I long to run away and start a new adventure somewhere else and in a way reinvent myself I suppose. But the hardest part of leaving would be missing out on all these little moments.

It makes me feel so torn inside because as usual I want it all and I can't have it all. I applied for some jobs which are not in Elgin today, and that is all I will say about them for now. We will see what happens.