I need Africa more than Africa needs me

I wrote yesterday about the overwhelming heartache and joy of spending time in Kenya, and the resolutions I made not to forget the lessons I learned there.

I have not forgotten Kenya. Lately I think about it everyday (hence the blog) and love finding others who get it. I have not forgotten the names, the faces, the places.

But in the time following both of my returns to life in America, I found it was so easy to slip back into the norms of our culture. Consumerism, complaining, laziness, self-reliance, entitlement, taking things for granted.

Our culture doesn't think we need God, and it is easy to see why. We have everything we think we could ever possibly need right at our fingertips. Turn on the TV, 500 channels (and there is nothing on but garbage)! Walk into the store, there are 50 breakfast cereals, 10 brands of Ketchup, aisle after aisle of stuff. We can't seem to go 10 minutes without taking out our cell phones. And don't get me started on our churches, which we design largely to meet our own needs. We are taught to be independent, not need anyone. We believe we are entitles to the best of everything without having to strive or suffer. We have constant access to the ability to meet all of our human needs. And yet, we have so much depression, and so many medications to fix all of our perceived ailments. Why is that?

But I am getting on a tangent here. I am trying to say that over time, I stopped marveling that hot water came out of my sink and to be grateful for everything I had. I started complaining again, wallowing is needless self-pity, filling the void in my hear with junk.

And I slipped away from God. Our culture is also so busy, always running here and there, full of stress, worry, anxiety. A visiting preacher at our church today had us pray silently for 3 minutes. 3 minutes! And it was uncomfortable, difficult, distracting! I stopped spending time with God. I no longer had to pray for my protection and safety, so I didn't pray at all. When I tried to read the Bible, it seemed dry. And church felt disconnected.

There were times I tried to get back on track, but overall I missed the closeness God and I had in Kenya.

There is an awesome movement called Mocha Club that started the saying "I need Africa more than Africa needs me." Why? "Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart." This rings true for me, as well as the fact that I love the person I am in Africa, sitting filthy in the red dirt with a child in my lap. I feel fulfilled there, I cannot question God there. Here I am backsliding and feel useless.